STAGING
Males - 5
Females - 1
(Or 3 M & 1 F with doubling, plus 1 M & 1 F voice only)
COMPANY
DARYL: 40, overweight likable soft-drink salesman from the
NSW Central Coast, trying to divorce his two-timing wife.
Believes junk-food is proof God wants us to be happy.
SHONA: late 30s, determined, cynical, former hard-core
university radical looking for meaning now communism is dead.
Believes the only thing men and sperm have in common is a one
in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.
KEVIN: early 40s, idealist, naive, dubious sexuality, always
looking for the good in people but being perpetually
disappointed. Earned his 15 mins of fame as the biggest
winner on The Biggest Loser. Sent money over the Internet to
a Nigerian Princess called Brian to unlock secret funds.
GARY: early 30s, brawny, muscled, ex-SAS, skin-head haircut,
more hair than brains. Obsessed with discipline, king-sized
chip on his shoulder, enjoys bullying people, pines for the
regimen of army life. Sexual fantasies about Pauline Hanson.
MINOR CHARACTERS (PLAYED BY MAIN CHARACTERS IF DESIRED OR NECESSARY)
DOUG: early 30s, ex-army, good natured. (Played by Kevin.)
PARIS: early 40s, outrageously camp dance teacher, fit, lithe, dry, sarcastic. (Played by Gary.)
BERNICE: (VOICE OR VIDEO ONLY) early 40s, botox, fake-nailed, bottle-blonde, conniving, vindictive cougar with a fake tan and too much jewellery. (Played by Shona.)
CHAN: (VOICE ONLY) highly-strung local restaurateur on the point of a nervous breakdown. (Played by Gary.)
The action takes place in a spartan, soundproof one-roomed apartment in the outer suburbs of Sydney. The time is the present
PROPS LIST
· Apple, Carrot, Ginger, Onions (bowl of fruit)
· Bag of groceries
· Blackberry mobile phone + one standard mobile phone for Kevin
· Blindfold
· Bottle of beer Tooheys Old (longneck) and glass
· Canola oil can (no oil)
· Cardboard signs reading: do you know how many rules you’re breaking? – the scales are wrong! etc
· Carnations + vase
· CCTV cameras
· Chopping board + big knife
· DVD machine
· Fat suit - undergarments
· Full length mirror
· Gary’s cigarettes – Winnie Blues
· Hand Torches x 4
· Handbag (camouflaged)
· Handcuffs
· Headband of flowers x 2
· Height wall chart
· Hood
· Junk food – props – plates of cakes, burgers, hot dogs, donuts
· Key + neck chain – or swipe card
· Knife and fork
· Large black bag
· Large club (caveman style)
· Large photo of client: woman- before an after pic
· Locked steel cash box
· Novel (Gabriel García Márquez Love and the Time of Cholera)
· Oversized frosted donut
· Paperwork/contracts
· Plastic buckets with Chinese food – one with spring rolls or prawn chips for Daryl to swipe and eat
· Portable CD player
· Rice crackers + plate
· Ring of keys
· Rip off wall calendar large (reusable)
· Rope/fetters/chains/padlocks
· Round dining table and chairs (set?)
· Set of stand on scales
· Shop tag reading: Chatswood Video
· Stationary bikes x 2
· Sudoku book
· Sugar bag (one kilo bag)
· Tall cardboard moving boxes – Kennard’s Storage or Storage King etc
· Tea towel
· Terracotta pot/plastic to cover Daryl’s ‘jewels’
· Tickets (Budgewoi Caravan Park) x 2
· Trash can
· Tuning pipe
· Video camera and tripod
· Wall button for siren
· Weight Watchers Cheese
· Wilting carnations (posy)
· Wok
DARYL: 40, overweight likable soft-drink salesman from the
NSW Central Coast, trying to divorce his two-timing wife.
Believes junk-food is proof God wants us to be happy.
SHONA: late 30s, determined, cynical, former hard-core
university radical looking for meaning now communism is dead.
Believes the only thing men and sperm have in common is a one
in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.
KEVIN: early 40s, idealist, naive, dubious sexuality, always
looking for the good in people but being perpetually
disappointed. Earned his 15 mins of fame as the biggest
winner on The Biggest Loser. Sent money over the Internet to
a Nigerian Princess called Brian to unlock secret funds.
GARY: early 30s, brawny, muscled, ex-SAS, skin-head haircut,
more hair than brains. Obsessed with discipline, king-sized
chip on his shoulder, enjoys bullying people, pines for the
regimen of army life. Sexual fantasies about Pauline Hanson.
MINOR CHARACTERS (PLAYED BY MAIN CHARACTERS IF DESIRED OR NECESSARY)
DOUG: early 30s, ex-army, good natured. (Played by Kevin.)
PARIS: early 40s, outrageously camp dance teacher, fit, lithe, dry, sarcastic. (Played by Gary.)
BERNICE: (VOICE OR VIDEO ONLY) early 40s, botox, fake-nailed, bottle-blonde, conniving, vindictive cougar with a fake tan and too much jewellery. (Played by Shona.)
CHAN: (VOICE ONLY) highly-strung local restaurateur on the point of a nervous breakdown. (Played by Gary.)
The action takes place in a spartan, soundproof one-roomed apartment in the outer suburbs of Sydney. The time is the present
PROPS LIST
· Apple, Carrot, Ginger, Onions (bowl of fruit)
· Bag of groceries
· Blackberry mobile phone + one standard mobile phone for Kevin
· Blindfold
· Bottle of beer Tooheys Old (longneck) and glass
· Canola oil can (no oil)
· Cardboard signs reading: do you know how many rules you’re breaking? – the scales are wrong! etc
· Carnations + vase
· CCTV cameras
· Chopping board + big knife
· DVD machine
· Fat suit - undergarments
· Full length mirror
· Gary’s cigarettes – Winnie Blues
· Hand Torches x 4
· Handbag (camouflaged)
· Handcuffs
· Headband of flowers x 2
· Height wall chart
· Hood
· Junk food – props – plates of cakes, burgers, hot dogs, donuts
· Key + neck chain – or swipe card
· Knife and fork
· Large black bag
· Large club (caveman style)
· Large photo of client: woman- before an after pic
· Locked steel cash box
· Novel (Gabriel García Márquez Love and the Time of Cholera)
· Oversized frosted donut
· Paperwork/contracts
· Plastic buckets with Chinese food – one with spring rolls or prawn chips for Daryl to swipe and eat
· Portable CD player
· Rice crackers + plate
· Ring of keys
· Rip off wall calendar large (reusable)
· Rope/fetters/chains/padlocks
· Round dining table and chairs (set?)
· Set of stand on scales
· Shop tag reading: Chatswood Video
· Stationary bikes x 2
· Sudoku book
· Sugar bag (one kilo bag)
· Tall cardboard moving boxes – Kennard’s Storage or Storage King etc
· Tea towel
· Terracotta pot/plastic to cover Daryl’s ‘jewels’
· Tickets (Budgewoi Caravan Park) x 2
· Trash can
· Tuning pipe
· Video camera and tripod
· Wall button for siren
· Weight Watchers Cheese
· Wilting carnations (posy)
· Wok